We’ve Decided on Forever {Part 2}

 

The morning of my wedding, I was calm.  Everyone kept telling me that I was going to get jitters, or cold feet, and I never did.  I knew that marrying Chris was the right thing to do, and with getting too religious or preachy, I had an assurance that Chris was the man I was supposed to marry.

 

I met my brothers in San Luis for a delicious breakfast, then Kim and I went to target, lunch and then to the salon to get our hair done.

Gorgeous Girl!

I’m getting married in an hour! Yikes!

So we were running a little late from the hair appointment.  It always happens to me because they don’t realize how THICK my hair is.  So we were rushing to get back to the house so we could get dressed and get ready and so I could take portraits with the photographer.

I drank a butt-load of water that day so I was DYING on the way to the house.  We got to the ranch about 30-45 minutes before the ceremony was supposed to start.  I was in so much pain of “holding it” that when I rushed into the bathroom past Chris’s parents I didn’t quite pick up on something was wrong.  Angi, bless her heart had been taking finals the week before the wedding, and with all the guests and people coming, she had looked stressed out all week.

When I got out of the bathroom, Angi grabbed me and said, “I need to talk to you.”

My first instinct was that Chris had decided against marrying me and that the wedding was off.  I almost started crying right then!  I asked “is it good or bad?”

She then shook her head and held back tears.  I knew Chris was leaving me!  I was devastated.  I didn’t even want to hear what she had to say after that.  So when she said “Ace” I was a little confused.

She explained that Ace had been run over, it was an accident, and that they thought he was dead.  They took him to the vet, and he was currently doing “okay” but they weren’t sure if he was going to make it.

Considering only moments before I thought my husband to be was leaving me, I took the news quite well.

Kimmie and my mom joined me shortly after, and we decided to go ahead and get dressed.  Everything after that moment is kind of a blur.

We’ve Decided on Forever {Part 1}

{Well, my sweet Christopher is away for a week for work.  So I’ve decided to maybe catch up the blog a bit, by not going home straight after work and stealing WiFi from the local McDonalds.  Basically this will get me caught up on the “BIG” events for now.}

So as you know, I was in California two weeks prior to Chris’s arrival and I was done.  I was READY to go home.  I tried to convince myself that I was excited to have the wedding in California and that everything was great.  But truth be told, I was sad.  I was sad that I was surrounded by people I didn’t know for the biggest event of my life.  It didn’t really hit me until I was out in California that I really wanted to be surrounded by my family and friends. I am grateful to Chris’s family, don’t get me wrong, but the longer I was there, the more I wanted those important people in my life sharing on the biggest day of my life, and I knew they weren’t going to be there.  But I wanted Chris to be happy, and he had dreamed of having the wedding at “the ranch” since he was young, and I would do anything for him.

I am extremely grateful to Chris’s parents for having the wedding at their house and planning and paying for everything.  I wouldn’t have been able to have the wedding in California without their help; so I don’t want the above statements to make it sound like I am ungrateful because I’m not.

 

Anyway… things weren’t all bad.  My brother Brent arrived on the same flight as Chris.  I was so excited that he took the time and money to fly all the way from Germany to join me on my wedding day $  That was a happy day.

 

 

 

I also had my amazing “uncle” Chad and “aunt” Christy drive all the way from Utah to be with us.

 

 

 

And of course I can’t forget Kimmie, the best, most amazing, wonderful, (insert as many positive adjectives you can think of here, and we still wont have enough) maid-of-honor.  Kimmie and I have been friends since middle school, and one of the few, if not the only, I keep in contact with from High School.  She’s the greatest!

 

I am so grateful to these few who made the trip to be with me.  It means more to me than they’ll ever know.

That being said, after two weeks at the Ranch, I was ready to go home.  I was so happy to finally have people at the ranch with me, but I was missing home, and my comforts immensely.  (As you’ll remember, I moved all my stuff to Chris’s house at the end of May and then was living with Kale, going back and forth to my mom’s house.)  I probably didn’t “enjoy the day” as much as I should have.  I don’t even have pictures of anything except the ones the photographer took

Here are the cupcakes I made for the rehearsal dinner,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and I think that’s the extent of pictures I have, and I stole these pictures from Kimmie’s facebook. 

Anyway, it took a lot longer for this, so I’ll give ya day 2 tomorrow

Getting There.

I took our two pups with me to California, which made for an interesting (and LONG) trip. 

We stopped in Utah for an extra day because I had to buy a new wedding dress.  My original dress was such a disaster and a terrible experience to the point in which I was ready to just wear jeans and a t-shirt down the aisle! 

 

I took advantage of being in St. George for a day longer than planned and took the dogs for a hike.  This was after we got back to the hotel room.  They were tuckered out!

I was in California about 2 1/2 weeks prior to the wedding and ventured out one day for a trip to the beach.

Fly HATED the water and the waves, Ace just was unsure of it all.

While I was at the beach, I sustained a 3rd degree sunburn.  It was painful.  I had blisters all over my back and I couldn’t wear a bra it was so painful.  I didn’t say much to Angi or Gary, but I cried myself to sleep every single night because it hurt so bad.  I was mad at myself for getting such a bad burn before my wedding and was sad because I didn’t have anyone there who understood what I was going through.  I was grateful that my mom came earlier than she originally planned, because she understood the brutality of a sunburn and helped apply medicine.  I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have been able to wear my wedding dress, because it would have been too painful.

Situations

So, life around the Leffler house has been a little hectic. I started my new job, we closed on a house and moved. We are still settling in and trying to get things done. That being said we now live out in the country, and don't currently have any internet access at home. It's been difficult for a plethora of reasons, but most especially here. I have really wanted to update my blog a few different times, and I really want to share the wedding experience and pictures, plus just the newest and greatest adventures Chris and I are now up to (and the house Chris bought without telling me, the new horse, house upgrades, etc.) Anyway, I just wanted to let any of you who may actually read my blog know that I haven't forgotten or abandoned it, but we are currently in transition. Hopefully I will be able to update more consistently VERY soon.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

On July 14th my Mommacita and my best friend from middle school, and the BEST Maid of Honor ever, threw me a bridal shower.  Because of where the wedding was and the timing of the summer, we had my bridal shower on my birthday.

An appropriately themed birthday cake

“From Miss to MRS.”

The cute decorations!

Monica knows me too well!  What a fantastic gift!

Me modeling my beautiful cake!

Me and kimmie, the best maid of honor.

I had such a fantastic time and am so grateful for all the hard work Kimmie put into my shower.  I am so grateful for everyone who was able to make it and share in my joy of marrying Chris and starting the next chapter of my life.

Actively

The fire is still actively burning… 300 homes (at least.)

For the past few days I’ve initiated the “Taco Bell Diet” after my last post.  I walk to Taco Bell and back when I decide I get hungry.  I measured it in my car and it’s 2 miles round trip.  I know it isn’t much, but it’s me getting out of the house and moving my body, and that’s what I need.  Ever since school got out, I have been having a hard time getting out and doing something.  As much as I hate to say it, I was an itsy bitsy bit depressed for a few reasons, plus I’ve been overwhelmed and stressed out about the wedding, and getting everything ready to go and not live in Yuma for the summer, and live out of a suitcase and going back and forth between towns. 

Anyway, when I got to Colorado Springs I thought I’d be able to get out and go hiking in Garden of the Gods and Pikes Peak and Waldo Canyon.  But considering:

All of the mountain is closed off and unavailable for me to venture out to.

Anyway, so I’ve been having my daily walks, which has been nice and actually really good for me. 

Today I went for a run.  It was hard.  I have been at an elevation level about 4000 feet lower than Colorado Springs, plus the air is probably still not the greatest, and let’s face it, I’m hella outa shape.  But I ran 1 mile today.  That seems like such a small number, especially considering my senior year of high school I was running 5 mile races, and could easily run 10 miles without having a hard time.

But I ran a mile.  That’s better than nothing.  I’m lapping all the people on the couch, which was me, last week.  So I’m winning.

You don’t always have to start with the mountain

I’m in Colorado Springs, staying with Kale and the kiddos.  I usually enjoy seeing my kiddos, but Man Alive! ever since their mom came back (she left and then came back after almost 2 years, not really in the mood for the details, so if you don’t already know the deats of that situation, sorry!) Tobin has gotten in the habit of saying “I hate you” or “I don’t love you anymore” when he doesn’t get his way.  In turn, I simply respond with “I Love you!” and he hates it, but I think it’s good.  I’m not giving in to him, and I’m reinforcing that my love is unconditional, no matter what happens.

So I’m just hanging out at Kale’s house. I had Kale take the kids to their mom today, because I needed a break after 4 days straight of them. I love them, but for my sanity sake and stress that I’m already feeling, I figured it would be better to have little to no human interaction today.

{Wow, that was more than I wanted to write about that, but alas}

I was feeling kind of chunkers the past few days, so I thought I would go for a hike in Garden of the Gods or Pike’s Peak since I’m here.  However this lovely:

thwarted my plans.  This fire is growing in three different directions, 11,000 people have been evacuated and it’s right on the edge of town, so they shut down GoG and access to Pike’s Peak from Colo Springs.  They still have zero percent containment, and it’s kind of strange thinking this fire is literally maybe 20-30 minutes from where we are.  (Thankfully Kale lives on the South side of town, so we will most likely be out of harms way, because if it does get to Kale’s house that would mean the entire city of Colorado Springs would be GONE, literally.)

So with the fire, I’m not going to be heading out to the mountain today, so I thought about maybe a run.  Then I looked at the weather, and all this week the Springs is expected to reach record highs {triple digits!!!!} and I also realized I didn’t bring a sports bra with me (actually, I didn’t bring a lot of things with me because I left Yuma in such a hurry, that I’m surprised I actually have clean underwear, seriously…. more on why I left so quickly another time.)

Anyway, still feeling a bit chubbers, but not quite as bad as I was, not really sure about why it is certain days I feel fatter than others.  So because I was feeling chubbers, I hopped onto Pinterest to pin weight loss inspiration, and from there, I got onto a blog that kind of made me think about my own body and body issues and my relationship with my Christopher.  Which then made me want to write a post about my relationship with Chris and my body/issues that I have.  Which made me miss him even more than I already have been.  It’s only been a week since I left Yuma and I want to cry because I miss him so much!  I have NEVER felt this way before and I kind of hate it!  I have always been so independent and self-sufficient that leaving friends/boyfriends for any amount of time was never hard on me (kind of a self-defense mechanism really, which is so much deeper that it requires it’s own post on another day.)

I was going to do a diet I did last summer where I lost 40ish pounds and looked fantastic, but between the stress and everything else going on in my life, my diet isn’t working, in fact I just gained like 8 lbs when I was eating less.  So I kind of threw it out the window because it made me kind of depressed which is why I wanted to write a post about my relationship with Chris and my body issues. 

This is a picture I took right before I went on my first date with Christopher.  {If you recall we went out on a blind date}  I was at my thinnest here, after my diet last summer.  This is how Christopher met me.

This is the first picture Chris and I took together.  I had gained a little bit of weight by this time in our relationship, not tons, but a little.

This was the week Chris and I went to Moab, and the week he proposed.  I had gained probably 15-20 lbs from the first time he met me.

From our engagement session.  I actually cropped this picture up, because this was one that originally had Fly in it, and was a full-body picture, but I looked so fat that I couldn’t stand it.  So I cropped out Fly to much of Chris’s dismay, but I like our faces without my fat belly hanging out the middle.

Now, I can’t fit into very many of my clothes.  I bought almost an entire new wardrobe when I lost all my weight, and now I’m kind of fatty again, but lack the funds to buy clothes, but I don’t like wearing clothes too small/tight because I don’t think anyone else wants to see my ick either.  So I’ve been wearing my workout clothes (because I buy them big) and sweats, and if I can get away with it, pajamas. (I can only do the last one if I stay in the house all day, which sometimes I do.)

The reason I type all of this up is two-fold.  One to maybe just solidify that I was thinner, and I can be thinner again, I just need to work at it.  The second is because of my Christopher.  He’s amazing that one.  He met me at my skinniest I had ever been in my life.  Seriously.  And I’ve gained weight since then.  He has never once commented on it, and always tells me he loves me.  When I mention I need to lose weight/ I’m a fatty McFatson, he wraps his arms around me and tells me he loves me just the way I am.  And I believe him, because it’s true.  Chris loves me no matter what.  He would do anything for me, and loves me UN-CON-DITIO-NALLY.  Seriously.

Now I’m not saying that because I have the love of this fantastic man in my life I’m just going to let myself go.  Not at all, maybe the opposite in fact.  I’m not just going to give up, but I’m not going to make my weight my whole life either, because I’ve done that before, for a large portion of my life (again, a whole ‘nother post.)  But I know that Chris will support me and love me through all of my body issues I may have in my life.  He really will, which is why he’s so great.

So maybe, I’ll walk to Taco Bell now, because it’s kind of my guilty pleasure, and I’ll be walking which right there is something.  You gotta start somewhere, right?  And it doesn’t have to be the mountain.