Uncle Chris

So every other month or so, we have the kiddos stay with us for a weekend. I usually agree to it because I figure three days with the kiddos will cure the baby-hungry right out of Chris, and it usually does. But as I watch my husband interact with my niece and nephew it makes ME baby-hungry. I know Chris is going to be such a fantastic father, and I love watching him interact with Tobin and Namara.

He lets Namara "help" him feed the cattle and horses, though I'm sure it slows him down immensely. He takes Tobin out and lets him ride the horses. He lets them both climb all over him on the couch, and the laughter that ensues makes my heart happy.

Yesterday, as soon as Chris got home Namara wanted to put her shoes on so she could go feed with uncle Chris. I noticed that it was taking longer to feed than usual, so I walked outside and saw that Chris had the kids on the 4-wheeler feeding the "big" cows. The looks on their faces said it all: they could die of happiness, seriously.

I couldn't get a picture as they were riding, because that would have shown even more than this picture. Chris was looking for the sled so he could take them out in the field.

(even Chris is smiling and laughing in this photo, which means he's okay with it)

He is seriously so good with them and such a good sport about things (because let's be honest, Tobin and Namara aren't always the easiest kids to have around.)  Even after he comes back inside he continues to play with them, which melts my heart.  I'm sure he would love to just relax or take it easy, but I can assure you that does not happen with these two in tow.

(Namara's face says it all!)

Last night after I had put the kids to bed, Namara came down the stairs crying, and she climbed into bed with us and immediately fell asleep. Not long after Tobin came down the stairs having a bad dream, and Chris picked him up and put him in bed with us too. I don't know of very many people who would do that, and it makes me so happy inside to know that he is mine forever.

I love Chris so much, and watching him so easily become "Uncle Chris" makes me excited for the day he becomes "Daddy"

Home

What a week!  Really.

Jason got here Tuesday night to help us out around the house, take care of the animals, tend to a few things while I was at the hospital with Chris. 

Wednesday Chris and I sat in the hospital for almost 5 hours and not a single person walked into his room.  Not a doctor, not a nurse, no one.  I was getting fed up.  I get they didn't really know what was going on, but don't just make us sit there!  So finally I asked to speak with the doctor.  The CNA says, "okay, let me call his nurse"  She calls his nurse and then turns to me and says, "Rebecca's on lunch, when she gets back in 20 minutes she'll go ahead and page the doctor."  I kind of feel bad for what I said next, but I was fed up, if we're just going to be sitting around all day, then we can do that at home.  So I turn to this CNA who, in all honesty, was just doing her job, and say, "What you can't do it? We've been sitting in there for five hours and no one has even come in to check on him. If you want us to just sit around we can do it at home."  I then turned around and went into Chris's room and told him we were leaving.  The CNA got the other RN to call the doctor and he was there within five minutes.  I guess when you tell someone that you're going to just get up and leave it becomes a priority.

The doctor comes in and checks his blood pressure which was still REALLY low.  I told him that if they weren't going to do anything more than they already have, then we were going to go home.  We could sit around just as easily there as we were in the hospital.  He kind of was a bit condescending and basically talked down to me for defying his authority and knowledge as a doctor, because how could I expect him to just "wave his magic wand when it doesn't work that way."  I turned to the doctor and basically said how dare he speak to me that way, and I know it doesn't work that way, but just sitting in a hospital bed doesn't do anything either.  Finally he decided to put Chris on another blood pressure medication, and had him meet with a physical therapist.  The PT basically told us he didn't have anything he could do for us and left.  The doctor came in again after meeting with the PT and told us if we could walk around for 15 minutes without Chris having any of his typical symptoms, then he could go home. 

They were concerned because when Chris was walking he said he felt fine, but it was after he stopped for a minute that he would start to feel dizzy and lightheaded.

I guess they didn't want to prematurely discharge him, and wanted the medication to have time to start working. 

We walked around for a while and Chris seemed to be fine, he still had a slight headache, but they said that may take a while to go away, especially if there has been an issue with blood flow.

He was still a little dizzy after walking around, but there really wasn't an explanation for any of it. 

So basically, the verdict is we are treating his low blood pressure.  Hopefully that's all this is.  I don't know if it's my negativity getting the best of me, or if it's an intuition thing, but I feel like the doctors may have missed something (though I don't know how, considering all the tests and scans they did)

He is currently on two medications that are meant to raise his blood pressure, so we have to monitor it to make sure it doesn't get too high. 

So far it's still fairly low.  It's much higher than when he was in the hospital, but still low for an average adult. 

We joked about when I end up in the hospital (eventually, with having {future} babies and all; no, not an announcement of any kind).  He told me that he wouldn't have to worry about me, because I sure can stand my ground, and he'll have to keep me from strangling the nurses, his words, not mine.  He even said at one point that I can handle my own so well, he may not even need to be there, which of course earned him a dirty look.

My Christopher seems to be feeling better.  He still says his head hurts a little, but he's out and about getting things done and working on all sorts of projects.  He's already gotten more done in the last few days than he has the last two months.  Kind of kidding, but not really.

It's nice to have Christopher back, and I don't just mean from the hospital.  I mean the Christopher I met and married.  He's been in so much pain the last few months that he wasn't himself, but I have to say the last few days have been great to see him back.  He's smiling and laughing and joking and just being the Christopher I remember.

If we're being honest here, I was beginning to hate being married.  Everyone always says how great it is, especially the first year, and my first few months were not fun.  Chris wasn't the same (though we now know why) and he was making me really frustrated.  I was frustrated with the broken promises, the lack of motivation and determination.  I was frustrated that I didn't feel like i could do anything to make him happy.  I was frustrated with the lack of laughter in our home.  I was frustrated with the lack of communication.

Looking back now, all of those frustrations I was having can be explained.  I feel bad that I was so hard on him, but we didn't know anything was really wrong, and I felt like I was drowning in frustration and {almost} misery.  I feel awful for saying that, but if I have one flaw (which we know I have many) it's that I'm honest.  I'm honest with myself and with others, and being honest, I didn't know if our marriage was going to last.  I feel horrible saying that, especially because, like I said in a previous post, I knew I was supposed to marry Chris.  And knowing that I think made it harder.  I didn't understand why our life together got so much more difficult after we were married.

So long story and emotions short, I'm happy to have some answers.  I'm happy to have laughter back.  I'm happy to have my Christopher back.

Optimism

For those few who know me well, you know I’m not the most optimistic person.  In fact I found a hundred reasons why Christopher shouldn’t marry me; good thing he didn’t listen!

Anyway, this post has nothing to do with me whatsoever, I just wanted you to realize that I am in fact {trying} to be optimistic in the midst of trial.

Where to begin?

I guess it would be shortly after Chris and I moved into our house.  He started having headaches.  I figured it wasn’t anything, and he wasn’t complaining about them very often.  But there were days/nights where he would just veg out on the couch.  Of course just moving into a house that needs a lot of work I wasn’t very happy or patient with Christopher about this.  I complained a lot about the amount of work needing to get done and things to be put away.  I didn’t realize how severely his head was hurting.

A couple of times, (probably when I was complaining) Chris would be doing something and be walking toward me completely ashen and he almost collapses as he goes to sit down, and it takes him a minute to catch his breath.  These “episodes” just seemed to be getting worse, so around the 4th one, (especially with his constant complaints about his head hurting) I told him he needed to go to the doctor.  I BEGGED him to go to the doctor, because these bouts were concerning.

Well Chris didn’t go to the doctor, and last Thursday I was getting ready for work, and Chris was in the shower.  I hear “Tiffany! TIF—“ and a soft thud.  I ran into the bathroom, and Chris was curled up in the bathtub.  He took a minute to respond to me, and I looked my husband in a totally new light.  He was completely vulnerable and scared and pain stricken.  As tears filled my eyes, I asked him if he wanted me to stay with him, to call in to work and get a sub.  He reminded me so of such a helpless child as he told me yes.  I agreed on the condition that we went to the doctor, today.  When he agreed, I knew something was wrong.  I got him a towel and watched as he stood up on shaky legs and get out of the tub.

Honestly, I haven't ever felt that scared in my life.  I have never felt so helpless and guilty.  I really thought Chris was just being kind of a baby.  That’s mean, I KNOW!, but it’s like when I have a headache or cramps, it hurts and I don’t want to do anything.  I realized that his “headaches” weren’t like that at all.

As we got ready to leave, Chris said his arms were numb.  I looked at him, and asked what he meant.  He just grabbed his arms and said they were numb, he couldn’t feel them.  This “episode” was so much more intense and worse than any other he had ever had that it made me nervous. 

When we were on the way to the doctor, Chris grabbed the back of his head and said he felt a lot of pressure.  I really tried not to say anything, I tried to be supportive and not place blame, like nag him on why he didn’t go to the doctor before today dangit!  But I could only think of the worse.  I knew we weren’t going to get any answers right away, I knew they were probably going to have to do a catscan or an MRI but I didn’t say anything.  I wanted it to be simple, but considering my family’s history I knew better.

We got to the doctor, and Chris made me go in the room with him.  I really didn’t want to, but I think Chris was actually scared.  I think he finally stopped lying to himself that this was something simple.  He told the doctor “I think it’s probably just allergies or something” and immediately she told him no.  He was hoping it was something simple she could diagnose then.

After doing the preliminary checks she ordered Chris some blood work, an MRI and got him an appointment at a Neurologist.  She told us it was possibly chronic migraines, and gave him a temporary prescription until we got to the neurologist.

I was exhausted and I knew our journey had just begun.  I went to work Friday and left right at the bell ending our day to drive Chris to Denver for his MRI.  I told him they wouldn’t tell him anything, because the technician is not legally allowed to say anything, and not to expect to be told anything.  So what does Chris do as soon as we get in the car to drive home?  “She didn't even tell me anything!”  I think the stress and the fatigue got to me cause I kind of lost it on him, because I told him I don’t know how many times that she wouldn’t!

The weekend was long and exhausting.  I tried to stay positive this weekend, and it was hard.  Especially because Monday felt like an eternity away, and Chris kept saying he “felt worse” and had a few more small “spells.”

Well Monday rolls around, and we head to Greeley to see the neurologist.  We anticipate a 30 minute appointment telling us Chris has chronic migraines and to send us off on our merry way.  Long story short, that is not what happened, and my dear Christopher was admitted into the hospital.  Chris went so willingly too.  I didn’t agree to have him admitted, because the neurologist wanted to do it to monitor his heart and prior to even looking at his MRI or the MRI radiology report.  I told the neurologist that until we looked to see what the MRI results showed, I didn’t want him admitted and looking at something completely different.

The MRI showed a spot on his right frontal lobe, but it was “inconclusive.”  At that point the doctor was really concerned and Chris was admitted.  They ran test after test, did an MRV of his head, ultrasound of his heart, x-ray of his chest, blood work, more blood work, and NOTHING!  They could not find anything wrong with him, at all.

Well, last night while Chris was sleeping, his heart rate dropped to 35-45 beats per minute.  Which is concerning.  At this point they thought it might be blood pressure, so they ordered a “tilt-table” test, which basically consists of restricting Chris of all liquids and foods for at least 12 hours and then lifting him up to see what his blood pressure does during this time.  After making him wait for 16+ hours they finally do the test and monitor him until he passed out. 

After doing that test, which by the way was AWFUL to watch, they declared that a receptor in Chris’s brain wasn’t working effectively causing him to have low blood pressure, so blood wasn’t getting to his brain the way it needed to.  Finally, I thought.  And it was something fairly easy to regulate and take care of.   Increase salt intake, drink gatorade during the day, medication.  We could handle that.

So a couple hours after his test, Chris is finally allowed to get off bed rest and takes a shower.  While he was in the shower, his heart beat kept spiking.  They thought it might be the way he was moving around, and ignored it.  (The nurse had me go in and check on him to make sure he wasn’t dizzy or passing out or whatever).  He gets dressed and the nurse tells him that before the discharge doctor comes up, they wanted him to take a walk around the floor one or two times.  So, hand-in-hand we walk.  It was a slow-paced easy walk, nothing strenuous or fast paced.  We get back and the nurses explain again that his heart beat kept spiking and for a 25 year old healthy male it was too high for his activity level.  Chris kind of shrugs and says he feels fine, which he looked fine. 

The discharge doctor comes and while we are talking to him Chris gets one of his dizzy spells and almost passes out, again.

So long story short, now they have no idea what is wrong with him and is still in the hospital.  He almost started crying when they told him he had to stay another night.

I feel bad.  I wish I could do something to make it all better, but I can’t.  I don’t have a magic wand that I can wave to heal him.  All I have is prayers and faith.  Prayers that the doctors find out what is wrong soon, and faith that God has a plan and His hand in all this.

Snicklefritz

So Chris found out about an auction up in Hay Springs Nebraska.  He had been wanting a trained horse for a while now, and they happened to have quite a few for auction.

We decided it would be best for him to go ahead and get a horse because it would be a lot easier to train Easter with a well trained horse.

We drove the 4 hours one way and ended up with this little guy:

This is actually the photo from the catalogue because my camera is dead and I don’t know where the charger is, and I’ve tried to do blogposts on my phone and it does NOT work.

I said “little guy” for a reason.  He is full grown (8 years old), but is only 14.3 hands.  Most horses are at least 16 hands.  I can easily get on him, while I struggle {understatement of the year} getting on Magic.

He is registered as “Snicklefritz Smoke” but for some reason I keep calling him Storm.  We’ll see what we end up calling him permanently (either Smoke or Storm)

He’s been a pretty good horse so far, so hopefully he’ll be good for what we want him for.

PS- Chris comes home today! YAY.  It’s been a long week of me feeding cows and horses and taking care of everyone and everything.  I am excited for him to finally be home.  That being said, don’t hold your breath on when my next post will be.  However, I will say this, I have been investing a lot of time this week looking at different internet options for us, so hopefully we can get something rolling soon.

The NEW

It’s no secret that I was unhappy working in Yuma. There were so many things that were going on/ happened while I was there, I was not looking forward to going back. So when I got a call from Sherry Kyle from Brush Middle School I was ecstatic.

I talked it over with Chris and we agreed it would be a good move for us if I were to take the job in Brush.

That being said we still were planning on living in Yuma, and I was living with Kale at the time of the job offer. Chris took it upon himself to find us a place to live.

We agreed that Akron would be a good compromise because it’s about halfway for both of us, because Chris still works in Yuma.

While I was in California with Chris’s parents, he called me to tell me he found a house and made an offer. He sounded really excited and happy about it, so I agreed that it was probably a good move.

Well after we got back from our honeymoon (a short sweet trip down to LA- Disneyland) Chris took me out to the house we were about to close on.

On the outside it’s o.k. looking…

When we walked inside I started crying.  To put it nicely, this house needs A LOT of TLC.  It’s been hard to give it the attention it needs because Chris and I are both working full time and don’t typically have the same days off.  It’s been a hard first few months of marriage, but we know that it’ll all be worth it in the end.

So far, we have successfully installed a new front and back door, painted the bathroom and bedroom.

Not a huge amount nor a massive success, but it’s these little projects we do together that make it worthwhile.

We’ve Decided on Forever {Part 3}

This will be my last installment of our wedding, I promise!  This is a photo-overload, with a few comments by me here and there.  Like I said yesterday, everything past Angi telling me that in fact Chris was not leaving me and Ace got run over is an utter and complete blur.  I wish I could remember more of the day.  I only remember snippets, which I will insert when appropriate.  That being said, ENJOY our wedding day!

 

 

 

 

 

Chris’s true best “man” (even though Fly is a girl)

 

Gotta have my Dr. Pepper!

 

 

I walked down the aisle to the song “Today I met the Boy I’m gonna marry” by Darlene Love.

 

 

 

 

 

This seriously melts my heart EVERY time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Kiss!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This next succession of pictures we captured Chris’s reaction to my short dress.  No one knew about my dress doing this except my photographer.  Not even my mom or Kimmie.

^ I love this pose the best! ^^^^^^ $

 

I love this picture, a lot a lot a lot! 

Everything thing about this makes me happy inside.

Kind of our wedding theme $

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this one. I don’t even know what we were looking at.

 

The one thing I remember was the cake cutting.  It was after this that I was completely done.  I felt horrible and wanted to leave, right then.  We were told it was time to cut the cake.  Chris and I went to do so, and I asked where’s Angi?  I couldn’t see her, but there was so much hub-bub going on that I just assumed she was there.  We went ahead and cut the cake and I remember Uncle Chad say “be nice, Tiff, be nice!” $

The next thing I know Angi was there and yelling at us about what cake we were cutting and saying “thanks a lot for waiting” and stormed off.  I felt horrible, and really wanted to cry.  It had been a long day for everyone involved especially with little Ace and everything else, but that was it for me.

Anyway, there you are, all caught up on the wedding.  Now it’s for the rest of life that’s been happening to us since then!