Patriot’s Pen

We had an assignment asked of our students to write an essay answering the question “Are You Proud of Your Country?” sponsored by the VFW.

It broke my heart how many of my students asked me “Do we have to write about America?”

Yes dammit! You DO have to write about America! You live here, don’t you? Why are you living in this country, using up our aide and putting us further in debt if you aren’t proud of it? I just want to yell at these kids to move out of the country if that’s the case. I know that sounds really harsh and mean, but come on! Really? It just breaks my heart how much these kids take for granted.

I know there are faults with this country, I know that, I’m not going to be naïve about that topic, but having to read essays that explain how our military is a joke, the people in it our brainwashed and how there are so many things wrong with what we are doing here in the United States gets my blood boiling.

My brother is in the military. He is not deployed to a foreign country for no reason. He is not separated from his family, his children, because he is brainwashed and worthless. I’m sorry, but he is helping to keep his family, and YOUR family safe. Just because these kids are not on the front lines, experiencing the horrors that so many of the men and women who are serving our country see and living every day, they fail to see the value and sacrifice being made.

I know most of what was written was a reflection of what these kids hear from their parents, because what 8th grader would write about the jobs bill/act and actually know what it meant, but it still made me sick to read so many UnAmerican essays, that I wanted to just throw them all in the trash.

Someone to Listen

I had a rough day.  I can’t really explain it.

So I went to talk to one of the veteran teachers about my day and I just started crying.

Being in Yuma has been difficult for so many, many reasons.  I just wanted to be done.  This has been hard and no one I talk to understands.

TS told me how no one can understand this area, that Yuma is probably one of the hardest areas to teach for so many reasons, and she’s taught for more years than I’ve been alive and has had the same struggles and frustrations I have as a newbie.  That other teachers and other colleagues she has known don’t understand, because it is just so different and so difficult.

I told this wonderful mentor how I can’t even talk to my mom any more, because all she does is offer suggestions and judge, and she looked at me and said, because you just need someone to listen and someone to talk to.  I realized that is completely true.  100%.  I don’t have anyone to talk to, at all, except my students, and I can’t talk to them.  Not really, not about my personal life, not about my “feelings.”  I just need to have someone that I can talk to that will listen, because mostly I just need to get it out.

It’s times like these that I miss Terry the most.  I know I could call him up, and he would listen, but I can’t.  I just can’t call him and rely on him like I used to.  He’s not that guy any more.  But man alive, sometimes I just want to, because I know he somehow would make it all better, and I HATE that!  I hate it so much, it makes me even more upset than I already am, because I realize I don’t have anyone to talk to about THAT either!  It’s quite the vicious cycle, it really is.

Anyway… Just the woes and frustrations of a first year teacher.  I found out that Sterling has a (small, very, very, very small) group of Young Single Adults, and they get together on Mondays for FHE and Thursdays for Institute.  I decided to start going to FHE on Monday nights for a few weeks and see how it goes.  I think it might be good to get out and hang out with other people close to my own age, and then I will have someone to talk to

Car Buying

So, now that I’m “grown” and in adulthood, I’ve been told it’s time to start making those adult choices and act grown up.

I’ve been looking into buying a car, especially of late.  I’ve been driving Brent’s car he left here when he went to Germany, because my car died, for lack of a better word.  Brent’s car has treated me well, and I am extremely appreciative of him and his family for letting me drive it (partially because my mom never did happen to sell it, but that’s another story.)  But his car is much to be desired.  I know he bought it in desperate times, and it really is a decent running car, but I would like one to call my own, that isn’t…. run down, I guess.  Brent’s car is two-tone because it was in a front-end collision.  It also has the air bags deployed and is a two door, sitting low to the ground.  Like I said, whoever he bought it from did a good job, because it runs well, but I need one that’s mine.

I have been looking into getting a SUV crossover.  They appeal to me for several reasons.  One, moving.  I guess I feel like I move a lot, probably because I spent every summer during college living at home with my mom, so I always had to be able to fit everything in my car to drive home.  Also, I am somewhat of an independent person.  I feel like a crossover I can fit everything I need into it, and also it can (and would according to my specifications) have a towing package, so I could rent a U-Haul that hooks up to your hitch, and be able to move everything on my own, without the help from anyone.  I also like that they can be AWD.  Very appealing.

I’ve been internet researching cars for a few months now.  I can buy a BRAND NEW sedan for around 10-14,000 depending on the type of car.  However, if I buy a crossover, I’m going to be lucky to find one USED for the same amount.  So my reasoning was just to save up for a little longer, and then find a good used crossover I really like.

But I was thinking today, as I was driving Tobin and Namara home from bowling in Kale’s car.  I think part of the reason God had me move out to the middle of nowhere Yuma is to learn how to ask for help.  I need to learn how to seek out help when I need it, and I don’t always need to do everything myself.

So this is what I deducted:  I don’t really need a crossover/SUV, I don’t have any reason at all as far as my day to day lifestyle is concerned, I can still take a sedan camping, and it gets better gas mileage.  It’s not going to handle any better in the snow, especially because I’ve always driven front wheel drive vehicles.  Also, I really think Heavenly Father is helping me to rely on other people more.  Yes, self-reliance is good, but building up the Kingdom is just as important.  So, more than likely I will be buying a practical and reliable sedan, so I can learn to ask for help from others.

Tobin is 4!

I can’t believe that this little guy…

Has turned into this amazing boy….

 

Happy birthday bud!  I can’t believe you only came into my life four years ago.  My life wouldn’t be the same without you!  Love Tyff.

What I’m Missing

I miss going to Utah State.

I miss walking to classes and seeing faces of people I knew.

I miss knowing people.

I miss having people my own age (or at least maturity level) to talk to.

I miss Daisy Mae.

I miss my social life.

I miss bowling.

I miss Café Rio.

I miss the mountains.

I miss Brent.

I miss having a plan for my life.

I miss learning.

I miss going to classes and working my tail off to earn good grades.

I miss being reassured.

I miss hugs.

I miss my friends.

I miss New Zealand.

I miss flirting.

I miss dressing my own age.

I miss dressing like a college student.

I miss wearing tennis shoes.

I miss teaching High School.

I miss the colors of fall.

I miss having a ward to go to.

I miss being stress free.

I miss clear skin, because of above statement.

I miss waitressing.

I miss interacting with adults.

I miss having intellectual conversations.

I miss my Tat, who is no longer around.

I miss having someone to bounce ideas off of.

I miss having the confidence that THIS, THIS is what I am supposed to be doing.

Mostly, I miss me.  It seems anymore, all I’m focused on is school and surviving.  I’m pretty sure I came here for me, and somehow, I lost me in the process.

My little Life

Living alone has been an adjustment. A lot of Netflix, a lot of late nights at work. But it's all good. Things have actually been going well. I thought I would show you a few pictures of my current situation.

This is my cute little living room.  I love it, and I LOVE that chair.

I love it!  This is my cute little drawer set, with my cute little frog lamp.  It makes me happy inside.

My dining room; after scrubbing the walls and the floor for 2 days straight. Oey!

My kitchen.

 

 

 

And last, but not least, for now anyway, my bedroom/bed.  I slept on the floor for over a month after moving here.  So having this fantastic beauty to sleep on has been heavenly.

I have been having a few rough patches here and there, mostly with school, I mean work I guess.  Anyway, it’s been tough, but I’m still kicking and everyday is a new day and a learning experience.  There are times when I think I can’t take it anymore, but I still wake up the next day and kick myself into gear to get going.  I do what I can when I can.