Someone to Listen

I had a rough day.  I can’t really explain it.

So I went to talk to one of the veteran teachers about my day and I just started crying.

Being in Yuma has been difficult for so many, many reasons.  I just wanted to be done.  This has been hard and no one I talk to understands.

TS told me how no one can understand this area, that Yuma is probably one of the hardest areas to teach for so many reasons, and she’s taught for more years than I’ve been alive and has had the same struggles and frustrations I have as a newbie.  That other teachers and other colleagues she has known don’t understand, because it is just so different and so difficult.

I told this wonderful mentor how I can’t even talk to my mom any more, because all she does is offer suggestions and judge, and she looked at me and said, because you just need someone to listen and someone to talk to.  I realized that is completely true.  100%.  I don’t have anyone to talk to, at all, except my students, and I can’t talk to them.  Not really, not about my personal life, not about my “feelings.”  I just need to have someone that I can talk to that will listen, because mostly I just need to get it out.

It’s times like these that I miss Terry the most.  I know I could call him up, and he would listen, but I can’t.  I just can’t call him and rely on him like I used to.  He’s not that guy any more.  But man alive, sometimes I just want to, because I know he somehow would make it all better, and I HATE that!  I hate it so much, it makes me even more upset than I already am, because I realize I don’t have anyone to talk to about THAT either!  It’s quite the vicious cycle, it really is.

Anyway… Just the woes and frustrations of a first year teacher.  I found out that Sterling has a (small, very, very, very small) group of Young Single Adults, and they get together on Mondays for FHE and Thursdays for Institute.  I decided to start going to FHE on Monday nights for a few weeks and see how it goes.  I think it might be good to get out and hang out with other people close to my own age, and then I will have someone to talk to