When You've Had Three Miscarriages...

• When you've had three miscarriages, something happens to you; something deep down inside you dies.
• When you've had three miscarriages, it becomes so painful to even look at a baby, let alone hold one, even when your family is having babies.
• When you've had three miscarriages, it takes everything inside of you not to scream at someone when they ask the oh so insensitive question, "so when are you going to start trying?"
• When you've had three miscarriages, you give up hope on ever having a "normal" family
• When you've had three miscarriages, you learn that your body will probably not be able to have a "natural" pregnancy.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you reevaluate your life choices.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you quit teaching, because while there are so many things wrong with education, it just becomes too painful.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you decided to pick up your entire life and move across the country.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you decide to go to law school, because "why not, I don't have kids, and won't any time soon; the only reason I went into teaching was because it was practical for raising a family, and that's obviously not going to happen."
• When you've had three miscarriages, you learn to rely on your spouse like you've never relied on him before.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you learn to become happy now, not "when this happens... I'll be happy."  No, you are happy now, because this, all of this, the good, bad and ugly, is your life.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you get scared every time AF is late, because you just know your heart can't take another heartbreak.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you wake your husband up at 2:00 in the morning to show him the positive pregnancy test with apprehension and fear and tears and a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, this is real.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you call the first OB you can find in your new area, because, you already know the outcome, so it doesn't matter if you like him or not.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you teeter on excitement and apprehension for the days and weeks leading up to your appointment.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you don't have any expectations for the ultrasound.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you're not sure what the technician is wanting you to see when she points to the screen and says, "do you see that?"
• When you've had three miscarriages, the flickering heartbeat on the first ultrasound is one of the most amazing things you've ever seen in your life.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you don't get overly excited at the news, that there is actually life inside you.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you don't want to share the news, because of the constant fear that something can and probably will go wrong.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you go into your second OB appointment with no expectations.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you fear the length of time it is taking for the doctor to find the heartbeat.
• When you've had three miscarriages, the sound of your baby's heartbeat is the most beautiful sound you've ever heard in your life.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you don't want to tell anyone, for so many reasons.  This life is so precious and exciting and we are actually able to revel in the joy that we finally get to feel when getting pregnant.
• When you've had three miscarriages, your wardrobe becomes problematic, because you don't want anyone to know just yet, but your pants don't fit.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you cry trying to get ready for church because you "look fat" in everything you try on.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you cry trying to get ready for anything, because everything you put on makes you look pregnant, and no matter how hard your husband tries to soothe you and tell you it's okay, because, guess what, you are pregnant, it's not okay.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you still attend law school, because that's what Heavenly Father is directing you to do.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you have faith that Heavenly Father knows what he is doing, and faith in His timing.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you wait to create that baby Pinterest board, because you deleted all the ones you've ever created previously, after every heartbreak experienced.
• When you've had three miscarriages, there is a constant fear in your heart that something is going to go wrong; and every little symptom becomes a matter of Google consultation.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you are in disbelief that you actually made it to the second trimester mark; your belly is growing and your body and your baby is healthy.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you can't wait to go back to the doctor, just so you can hear the heartbeat, and be reassured, one more time, that everything is okay.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you know that when you got in that car accident, you ruined your only chance at having a family.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you become very vague about why you had to go to the hospital after your car accident.
• When you've had three miscarriages, seeing your baby and its heartbeat after your car accident is the most amazing thing you have ever seen, and it doesn't matter how sore or battered you are when you realize your baby is HEALTHY and UNHARMED.
• When you've had three miscarriages, a countdown to your anatomy scan is done with a little bit of apprehension mixed with a little bit of fear, mixed with some excitement.
• When you've had three miscarriages, you decide to wait until you've had your anatomy ultrasound to share that you are finally having a healthy baby and you've never been more excited or scared in your life about what is about to happen in the impending months.

Thrifty Nifty

Do you know what today is??? #thriftscorethursday! (I follow the blog refashionista.net who coined this catchy phrase, though she thrifts for finds that she can "fix" and while I keep that in the back of my mind when I'm looking, I have not bought anything for that purpose...yet)  I figured I would write up a blog post on my recent thrifting, because lets be honest, I haven't blogged in a LONG time, and I miss it, and also, I'm pretty excited about some of my recent finds, or scores, if you would rather.

I know some people are not fond of secondhand shops, and some people loathe goodwill, but I grew up frequenting the thrift store for many of our basic needs, I even volunteered for a couple summers at the thrift store back in Durango (which was super nice, because I could see things as they came in and was able to get several things a lot cheaper than if they went out on the sales floor.)  Don't get me wrong, there are some junky things that you will find thrift shopping, but there are some amazing finds as well.

I haven't frequented thrift stores as often in the past several years, because my husband and I both were working and I was able to splurge a little more (aka clearance racks at Maurices and Kohls).  We have a set monthly "Tiffany clothing budget" because I do love clothes and shoes, and Chris, the tenderhearted man that he is, stopped trying to fight it after our first year of marriage, and allotted the budgetary "need"  ;)

However with our recent changes in finances, I know that my current "Tiffany clothing budget" is more than we really should be spending. (For the record it REALLY is NOT that much, but every penny counts when you are watching your spending).

When I got my job at Target, I literally had one (1) red shirt and zero (0) khaki pants. I looked at Target, and even with my discount the ONLY khaki pants they had would still cost me $20+ and a plain red T-shirt $7.  Goodwill has supplied me with 5-6 shirts and several khaki pants and I have spent no more than $30 on all of it. (I shopped for a few pieces before I knew about their $0.99 sale days)..

Our finances are not the only thing that has changed; my body has too.  After the D&C a year ago my body didn't go back to the way it was before, I gained the baby weight, but didn't gain a baby... I had some terrible depression afterwards and I didn't had no desire to go shopping for new attire... I basically stuck to about 7 outfits that I rotated constantly.  That being said, I really don't have a lot of clothes that fit me, and I am back to my old clothing loving Tiffany :)

Anyway, on one of my thrift store adventures, I asked an employee what their rotation is for the color of the week, she turned to me and said "Bring Your Own Giant Robot!"  I stared at her in disbelief for a minute before she elaborated, "that's how I remember it, the first thing they taught me was Bring your own giant robot: blue, yellow, orange, green, red."  She also explained to me that Sunday is when the colors switch over, Sunday and Wednesday are $0.99 color of the week sale days, and the first Saturday of every month is 50% off the entire store.  So any of you that have a Middle Tennessee Goodwill in your backyard, you're welcome!  Now you know.

So after that, I try to go to Goodwill on Wednesday's when I know they have their $0.99 sale on color of the week.  I also try to ONLY look at color of the week tags, because I might just fall in love with an item that I have to have an internal debate about... Like there was this red pea coat I found, and it fit like a GLOVE. I have always wanted a red pea coat... the price tag $20... YIKES!  I couldn't do it.  (That's when I asked and found out about Wednesday and the color of the week).  I seriously debated for close to an hour whether or not to just suck it up and get it.... It was a high quality brand, 100% wool, and I'm sure I would get my dollar per use out of it. (Tiffany's dollar per use philosophy, in case you don't already know about it: I have to use the item 1x for every dollar I spend; so if I buy $20 jeans, I have to be able to wear those jeans 20x to get my money's worth, etc.)  I ended up walking away from it, and decided that if it was still there when the color came up, it was meant to be..... sadly, when I checked for it yesterday, it has been snatched up.  Alas, not meant to be.

When looking I also try to make a mental note of items that I like and what color tag they have, 2 weeks ago (right after I learned about Giant Robots taking over goodwill) I found several pair of knee-length shorts, but they had orange tags.  I made a mental note to come back in two weeks to see if any of them were still there, and by golly, I snagged 4 pair of knee-length shorts, for you guessed it, a whopping $4!  If I bought them when I saw them two weeks ago, it would have cost me $18... which is still a pretty good price, but I wasn't in "love" with any of them, so buying them at $1 each makes it easier to wear because I didn't spend very much on them.  (although, truth be told, I did find a pair of white knee-length shorts yesterday that I hadn't spotted on my previous trip that I LOVED and "had to have" but I lucked out and they were the right color tag!)

(Terrible cell phone quality photo, I will have to try to take some better pictures, probably of the pieces I am most excited about that I have found.  You can also see three of the four pairs of shorts with the white pair on top.  You can also see the ralph lauren shirt I found in the top right corner, as well as Midnight's butt to your left, because we all know she has to be in the thick of it all.)

 However, on two trips I have spotted an item that was not the color of the week, and couldn't put back on the shelf.  They (surprisingly?) were both Ann Taylor brand, and I know that they will be snagged up if I wait until the week their tag comes up.

(The top I spotted yesterday.... Again TERRIBLE cell phone quality, I promise this one really is a keeper, the photo does NOT do it justice in any way shape or form)

I try to limit myself to no more than $10 a trip, and that includes anything I buy, books, household, etc., and since learning about the sale rotations I try to only go in on Wednesday.  Even if I went every week, and spent $10 each time, I would only spend $40/month and that is no where near my previous clothing budget.  AND this $40 also includes things I find for Chris and for my nieces and nephews.

(last week: 6 items $6. This week 9 items, $12.50)

I have several pieces that I found that I am pretty excited about that I only spent $0.99 on... I have never been a "brand/label snob" but I recognize cheaper brands, and I recognize the more expensive brands.  I also look at the condition of an item... There was a very cute under armor shirt I spotted yesterday, but it had several stains on the front, so I passed.

I don't know if it was how I was raised, but I have always loved the "hunt".  I guess that's why I love clearance racks as well.  I love scouring and finding a gem in the middle of a bunch of meh.  I will try to take a few better photos in the next few days and share the finds with you soon.

Also, in the coming weeks I will blog about tearing down the old house, our move, and our new lives in Tennessee.... YIKES!