Compassion

On Thursday, I woke up with pain behind my right eye. I figured it was because I fell asleep watching Psych with my glasses on. So I got up, showered and rushed off late to school, like I do any other day.

Well after driving to school the pain behind my eye got worse and worse and worse, and I started to get sick to my stomach. If I was focused on something at close range, like my computer or a book, it wasn't bad, but every time I moved my head it got worse and worse. I tried to teach my first class, which made everything even worse, because writing on the board then turning to students and talking and looking for hands and keeping students on task, so doing my job basically, made me feel dizzy and lightheaded. So on top of stabbing pain in my head and feeling sick to my stomach, I no longer could even stand up. I gave my students some easy group work to do and sat down at my desk. I have NEVER had pain in my head like that before. I debated what to do. I felt like I could probably make it through until I was done teaching and then drive home, so that's what I resolved to do.

During second hour, as I was at the board, I could no longer stand up and became so light headed I had to sit down. I didn't know what was wrong with me, and every time I looked up things were blurry and tunneling in on me. I texted Chris to see when he was coming into Brush to drop off cattle at the sale yard. He told me he already did, and was headed home. I wanted to cry. When I told him what was happening, he pulled off the road and turned around to come get me. I called down to the office and told them I was leaving at lunch time after my third hour (Chris was mostly home, and it would take about that long to get to the school).

As I climbed into his truck to go home I started crying. I was in so much pain, and I had never, ever left a job early. Not once. When i got home I was pretty much debilitated. Chris cradled me and got me medicine and fed me lunch. I love that man so much.

I realized a few things on Thursday:
1. I love Chris more than words can express, he sacrifices for me daily, and I don't thank him enough for that.

2. I need more compassion. Chris took care of me and let me cry in my pain on Thursday. I didn't have that much patience or compassion for him when he was sick. I was so overwhelmed and frustrated and exhausted that I couldn't even look at him or talk to him without getting angry. That sounds horrible, but I'm being honest, and I was ready to leave because I couldn't take it any more. I felt alone and helpless. That was selfish of me, because guaranteed Christopher probably felt that in such a greater magnitude than I did, but he never said anything.

3. With how badly I was hurting on Thursday, I can't even imagine how Chris has been feeling the past 3-4 months. Mine was an isolated incident, but I can't imagine waking up day in and day out with that feeling. I don't think I could handle it. I also realize just how incapacitating it really is.

I'm happy to say, after taking two of Chris's migraine pills (OTC, don't worry I didn't take any of his heavy meds) I felt a lot better. I have had a dull ache since then, but it isn't bothersome, and I can still accomplish what I need to get done.

It's crazy how much you can learn from such a small moment in time.