I have had a hard time going to church lately.
I’m no saint when it comes to being perfect and eagerly waiting for Sunday to roll around so I can go to church, but I have never dreaded it this much.
Come Sunday, I find it hard to get motivated to get out of bed and get ready for church.
Yesterday I waited until the last possible minute to get in the shower, making it almost impossible to make it to church on time.
I know part of it has a little something to do with my previous post, but there’s got to be more than just that.
I know I go to church for me. I go to better myself, to educate myself and to become a better disciple of Christ. However, I have had such a difficult time since being here in the Yuma Branch.
I think most of it is there is absolutely no one there for me. The few women who are close to my age have young children. The three other women in Relief Society (that’s right only four of us typically in Relief Society) are all so much older than me. One has great-grandchildren my age (I’m pretty sure) and the other two have children close to my age. Also, when I try talking with them, it’s like they’re only being polite enough until they can find an opening in the conversation to make a mad dash away from me.
The only person who is friendly and greets me so every week is the first counselor. I adore him, and he has been such a great help to me, but he is my mom’s age, divorced (twice) and doesn’t have much to say to me.
I have had such a difficult time wanting to go to church. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but I would rather stay home and clean house than go to church. I even have been going to Kale’s more frequently so I have an excuse to NOT be at church on Sunday (because if you recall, I work with my Branch President, so my whereabouts are ALWAYS asked about).
I really wish it wasn’t this hard. Chris even asks me about church, and encourages me to go, which makes it even worse. I know I need to keep going to be a good example to him, but I just don’t want to.
I don’t enjoy going, and I often feel almost like I wasted three hours just being there.
I have seriously NEVER felt like it was such a feat, emotionally, physically, mentally, just to get myself ready in the morning to make it to church.
It has become so hard.
Tiff I had a similar experience when Ace and I first got married. We went to a family ward and immediately got put in the primary. 1/2 way through the year we still knew no one and had a conversation with our Bishop where he asked us what ward we were in....("um, yours and thanks for noticing) But I realized that in those Utah wards the turnover rate is so quick that it is probably hard for anyone to get to know anyone and probably makes people not even try. We started ward hopping and would just leave our class hanging. Then we switched to a student ward so get out of the responsibility and guilt. It wasn't much better there. BUT I do understand how hard it can be. The only advice I have is to NEVER get out of the habit. As soon as you do it is hard to go back. It got really hard for us and we definitely weren't active at time in "our" ward. But we always went. Maybe make a game of it. I really don't have great advice on how to motivate yourself but I just know how hard it is to get back once that habit is gone. Good luck friend! Keep me posted:-)
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