Courage

This post takes courage for me to write. Courage is not something that I would say is something that I exude very often.  But today it is in the front of my mind, and I know that once I write out this post, and sort out my feelings, that it will be worth it.

This morning I looked at this picture and my heart started to hurt.

It didn’t hurt because of sadness, but hurt because of how happy I am.  I am so happy with my marriage and this picture encompasses everything I feel our relationship is.  I know that had I married anyone other than Chris, that I would not be nearly as happy as I am with him.  He does so much for me and us. 

With that said…

I always admired those women and men at church who would come alone to church every week.  Those women who got their children ready in the morning and brought them to church and sat alone in Sunday school.  I have known several of these extremely strong women, and I always admired their courage, but I never thought it would be me.

Today in church I sat in Sunday school alone, like I always do, which actually isn’t bad at all.  But it was when the teacher started discussing today’s topic that I began to feel upset sitting alone for the first time.  The topic was temple marriage, and I was frustrated (I want to say offended, but I’m not quite sure either word quite fits what I was feeling.) The insensitivity of the class got to me.  I could feel it building, but I put on a strong front, because the subject is something that I have thought about plenty of times.  But it was when one comment was made that tears started building up in my eyes, and as more class members added to the comment, the tears started streaming down my face, until I lost it, running out of the building, crying like a fool, scaring a primary class that was outside for the day. 

What was the comment you say? Well, it was one that I have never heard before when it comes to temple marriage: “if you get married outside the temple, you really are signing a marriage certificate and a divorce certificate on the same day” there was something more, but I don’t exactly remember the wording and I don’t want to make it sound worse than it was, but just understand that any marriage outside of the temple was condemned in the sight of God.  Tears welled in my eyes. I wasn’t prepared for it.  Then as more and more comments were made, the tears started falling.

I was shocked, literally shocked, at the comments.  Many of them made by people who know me, and know my situation. To keep this from getting away from me, just know that regardless if I had been married in the temple or not I would have been offended (for lack of a better word.)

I am not ashamed of my marriage with Chris.  Did it take courage to marry Chris?ABSOLUTELY! Did it take courage to keep my standards when I was getting married?YES! In fact, as I was getting ready for church this morning, I was thinking of my wedding dress, and how I wanted to write a post about why it was important to me to have a modest wedding dress even though I wasn’t getting married in the temple. (I think I still will write that post, but I found it interesting that this is what was running through my mind this morning, only to be shocked hours later concerning the same subject.) But was it worth it? YES!

As I sat in my car, crying harder than I probably should I have, I thought about why people would say such hurtful things.  Does God really condemn me and my marriage just because I didn’t get married in the temple?  I called Chris and attempted to tell him, and I just couldn’t get it out without crying all over again.  I never have forced the church on Chris.  I want him to ask questions as he is comfortable, and he has. But I don’t want him to feel that he has to join the church because of me, or what I want.  It has to be him.

Chris and I have a good marriage.  We have a better marriage than several people I know who did get married in the temple, and just because you have a temple marriage doesn’t mean it’s forever, as I know several temple marriages that have now ended in divorce.  I think people need to understand that we have a loving Heavenly Father watching over us, and he isn’t a cruel God.  He wants us to be happy, and He wants us to make righteous decisions.  I don’t believe that God thinks that because I didn’t get married in the temple my decision to marry Chris was not a righteous one.  I think that when we get to the other side, God is going to consider all of the things that have happened in our lives when it comes to determining our eternal fates, and we have to have courage in our decisions that we are doing what we know to be right, despite what others may say about it.